Southern Girl: I donʼt think this bonfire is such a big deal.
Guy: No, itʼs going to be awesome.
Southern Girl: Well are you from the South?
Southern Girl: We burn shit all the time.
Guy: …like crosses?
Girl 1: Iʼve decided that if anyone tries to murder or rape me, Iʼll show them unconditional love and theyʼll stop.
Girl 2: Thatʼs not going to work.
Drunk Sophomore girl in the bathroom: Iʼm not drunk [seconds later ] You forgot to put the seat down and I fell in!”
Waitress: You know what I like about you two?
Trucker-type: Whatʼs that?
Waitress: Not a goddamn thing
Girl: Iʼve not the patience to suck
on things like a proper person.
Girl: Would you hook up with a girl whoʼs pro-life?
Guy: Yeah, Iʼd hate fuck the shit out of her.
Guy 2: And make her keep it!