Guy 1: Wow, that guy's Chinese. [Pause]
Guy 2: You know, racism is back.
Girl Who Looks Asian But Is Not Asian: I will not have you mocking my cultural heritage.
Guy Who Does Not Look Asian and Is Not Asian: Speaking of your cultural heritage, could you help me with a math problem?
Guy: Look, you gave me mono. My spleen is enlarged. (Pokes at something)
Girl: That's my nipple, not your spleen.
Guy: You'll never believe what happened to me this weekend in the city.
Girl: What? What happened?
Guy: I was at this bar and I saw the girl who played Alex Mack on television was at the bar. So I walked up to her and struck up a conversation. Then, like, in midsentence, I pointed over her shoulder and yelled, "Omigod! Look!". And when she turned around, I spilled my drink on the floor and then ran behind her as she was turning around, and when she turned back around I was behind her and she was just looking at this puddle on the floor, and I said behind her back, "I know what I'm doing, Ray!", and she totally thought that the puddle on the floor was me, and that I had the powers she had on the show, probably.
"So... do you know what a vagina is?"
Two sophomores talking about a weekend Valentines hookup (with a random freshman)
Girl: So, did you email her and send her flowers the next day?
Guy: Please. She got off and I didn't. Those were her fucking "flowers."