Gay Ivy junior, exasperatedly: Sex at this school is so boring. I mean, the last time I had a threesome was junior year of high school!
Pi Phi senior: I’m so out of shape I don’t even want to think about rush right now.
Comp lit junior: Everything is present in the present.
High man 1: $200. We could buy an O with this kind of money.
High man 2: This is the fiscal cliff. The fiscal spliff.
Massachusetts government: “Nudity”, uncovered or less than opaquely covered human genitals, pubic areas, the human female breast below a point immediately above the top of the areola, or the covered male genitals in a discernibly turgid state. For purposes of this definition, a female breast is considered uncovered if the nipple or areola only are covered.
Nass editor, looking at North Korea’s website: Hey, North Korea’s not that bad.
Band member, instructing other members of the band on how to play: Just do whatever you feel like doing.
Theta junior: She was so drunk last night, she kept screaming out her Social Security number and yelling “APPLY FOR A
PASSPORT! I DARE YOU!!!”
Econ major : I’m trying to save the world through private equity.
Chemistry tutor: These hydroxide groups make hydroxide bonds, kind of like 69-ing.
Nass sophomore, on a series of photos from the 1960s: I found them a little Instagram-y.
Ivy junior: The good thing about Ivy is no one expects you to feel empathy.
Dilettante : I lost my fountain pen. I’m crying.
Junior girl: Louis C.K. ... is white?
Junior girl: Well like, Louis Armstrong is black.
Robin Thicke apologist: Courting is when you say no and I think you mean possibly yes.
International 1: Have you ever been to Terrace?
International 2: No.
International 1: It’s shit, man. It’s fucking terrible. The building is falling apart and there are hairs everywhere.
Professor: At this point, you might not think I’ve said very much. But I did.