Guy 1: I think you have a coke problem.
Guy 2: I don't have a coke problem. I have a masturbation problem. I went home last night, blew two and a half grams, and jerked off for ten hours.
Guy: Did Michigan steal our helmet design?
Guy: If we steal their athletic success I guess we can call it even.
White Girl: I just want you to know there is a really good chance that I am related to Taye Diggs.
Preppy-ish North Manhattanite: There's something so colonial about gin and tonics. British explorers used to drink them when they were civilizing the African natives.
Preppy North Jerseyite: I know--every time I drink one I feel as though I'm shouldering the white man's burden.