White man in business attire: I have so many public servants in my friend, it’s hysterical.
Authors’ sign off: Eating Asian pussy, all we need is sweet and sour sauce.
Female Hollywood executive, looking through Snapchat friends: No, I don’t want to add Gwyneth Paltrow.
Sexological Bodyworker: How do you get to Carnegie Hall and ejaculate there? Practice.
WASP: Can we take ten minutes to punctuate our day with stillness?
Former Nass editor, dramatically: Water parks are where people go to clean their assholes!
Senior male, over blaring electronic music: HAUS YA, THIS IS HAUS!”
Professor: Who doesn’t love an orgy?
Dual citizen, flipping through the Verso Books catalogue: If you read every single one of these, what do you think would happen to you?
New York Jew: I played squash for the first time yesterday and it was incredible...well, actually, it was racquetball.
Woman, out for a morning walk: It’s just a hotbox of bacteria.
Blonde athlete: My favorite poor water is Poland Spring, my favorite rich water is Vos.
Aspiring culture writer: Look, if Stevie Wonder were blind, we would know.
Sexually active sophomore: I’m sitting there and I’m thinking, ‘You’re looking at my vagina. And I feel nothing.’”
Student: Can I ask an unrelated question? If I want a job in consulting or finance, do I need to report my SAT score?
Professor: Do men have a cultural ball gag? A symbolic ball gag?
Male Priest: God always intended us to make computers...I firmly believe this, although the initial world he created was perfect.
Be god human beings and just go for it, advices Brian Taylor ‘84 to Princetonian students.