The Cold That’s Going Around

October 9, 2016


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Overheard on the Dinky

White man in business attire: I have so many public servants in my friend, it’s hysterical.

Overheard in a fraternity email

Authors’ sign off: Eating Asian pussy, all we need is sweet and sour sauce.

Overheard in LA

Female Hollywood executive, looking through Snapchat friends: No, I don’t want to add Gwyneth Paltrow.

Overheard at a Women’s Center talk

Sexological Bodyworker: How do you get to Carnegie Hall and ejaculate there? Practice.

Overheard in Starbucks

WASP: Can we take ten minutes to punctuate our day with stillness?

Overheard in Greenpoint

Former Nass editor, dramatically: Water parks are where people go to clean their assholes!

Overheard in Patton

Senior male, over blaring electronic music: HAUS YA, THIS IS HAUS!”

Overheard in HIS 448

Professor: Who doesn’t love an orgy?

Overheard at a monthly magazine

Dual citizen, flipping through the Verso Books catalogue: If you read every single one of these, what do you think would happen to you?

Overheard in Terrace

New York Jew: I played squash for the first time yesterday and it was incredible...well, actually, it was racquetball.

Overheard near Dillon

Woman, out for a morning walk: It’s just a hotbox of bacteria.

Overhood in Witherspoon Cafe

Blonde athlete: My favorite poor water is Poland Spring, my favorite rich water is Vos.

Overheard in LA Mansion

Aspiring culture writer: Look, if Stevie Wonder were blind, we would know.

Overheard in Wu

Sexually active sophomore: I’m sitting there and I’m thinking, ‘You’re looking at my vagina. And I feel nothing.’”

Overheard in McGraw Study Hall

Student: Can I ask an unrelated question? If I want a job in consulting or finance, do I need to report my SAT score?
Tutor: Yes
Student: Fuck.

Overheard in GSS class

Professor: Do men have a cultural ball gag? A symbolic ball gag?

Overheard in Frist

Male Priest: God always intended us to make computers...I firmly believe this, although the initial world he created was perfect.

Overheard in the Daily Princetonian

Be god human beings and just go for it, advices Brian Taylor ‘84 to Princetonian students.