Former Terrace officer: Did you hear they're trying to stop Juul from marketing to teens? They can't do that! It is sexy BY DESIGN. It's just sleek and beautiful…could belong in a museum. Like truly Juuls just speak to our MOMENT.
Preceptor, to junior girl: Do you want to work with these two guys for the group project?
Junior girl: Can I just work alone?
Confused boy: I can't just mansplain "mansplain" to you. It doesn't work like that!
Gay freshman: it doesn't matter... nothing counts when you're blacked.
For example, if u don't remember eating a bunch of fries then u can't hate yourself because u don't remember. It's like whatever—I did it. It happened. I think of it like an alibi for the criminally insane... u can't be held accountable for something u can't control, right?
Also did you find your glasses?
Pre-teen boy: The only people I have a problem with are Donald Trump and my mom.
Professor (monotone): I do kickboxing to keep my face straight in class.
President Christopher Eisgruber: I feel pressure
FCC member: You can take a girl outta the South but you can’t take the dip out her mouth.
(Male) sophomore: I can't wait to experience lactation.
UPC member, about an upcoming lecture: It's called “Porn Actually.”
UPC pres: That would be a great porn of “Love Actually.”
Prince writer, presumably: It's a fucking epidemic! Why can't people control their anuses!
Cardigan-wearing man, confidently: Once we know how to sail, piracy’s the easy part.
Scary junior, screaming over ABBA: I just want to, like, inject ABBA straight into my face!!!
Knowledgeable sophomore: The football team loves listening to Sufjan Stevens.
Terrace shaman: Last night I had a dream where I literally castrated someone.