This week, the Nass wiles away the summer months by going to the movies, eating ice cream, and jetting off to space.
Junior about his Labradoodle: I feel so bad for my dog because she has to live in this Republican house when deep in my heart I know she's a communist.
Dramatic Avenger: There was a mosquito flying around and I killed it midair. And it went pop. And in my hands was blood. Who's blood? My blood. That's what you get when you minorly inconvenience me. I murder you.
Dad: It just seems weird to go to Walmart and get soap and bullets.
Daughter: What's the bullets for?
Junior editor, while swinging arms above head: I'm really embracing my car dealership inflatable man alter ego
College Grad, upon meeting his new nephew: Meeting a baby made me realize how much of a fiction that movie Boss Baby was. A baby could never be a boss.
Geese Sympathizing Father: Listen, we don't need any more of your anti-animal hate.
Enlightened Daughter : It's not anti-animal hate, it's anti-Satan-spawn hate!
Totally Rational Daughter: Do you ever wish that homicide was legal for one day?
Overreacting Father: NO! I DON'T WISH THAT! They make one movie and suddenly everyone thinks this is a good idea.
Former bridge year participant, discussing their diary: I used to write my secrets in Spanish and then transcribe it in Hindi so you would need to know two languages to read them.
Potential Hire: There are such great benefits: eternal healthcare, opportunities to move up–
Skeptic: There's upward mobility in Hell?
Potential Hire: Of course. And a great, caring boss.