Monica Youn: Who did you think the speaker was?
Terrace senior: This might sound weirdly specific, but I thought it was either a female dentist or a yoga instructor.
Senior Woman: Who the hell is [redacted]?
Townie, pointing to a portrait of Michelle Obama: That’s Obama’s BITCH
Frosh boy: During my three days in COS, I learned…
Senior, accidentally directing the last little trickle of pee into his underwear: Nooo.... Nooo!!!
Jewish freshman, contemplatively: I mean what do you do with Jews; you fuck them and then what else? Do a text study?
Worldly frosh, dismissively: I can’t even remember when I got my first pass.
Senior woman: 10/10 would bang. 10/10 would also hose.
Lovelorn Jewish press club member, about crush, morosely: I don't think she’ll ever come to the CJL.
Sophomore, on preceptor: [redacted] is my soulmate. I want him to fuck me against a wall until all I can speak is Middle English.
Junior WASP: So I just discovered falafel...I didn’t know how to spell it. I thought it started with a “ph.”
Drunk German stranger, slurring: Fucking.
DGS: Fucking. Are you any good at it?
Conflicted freshman: I used to really support Hillary, but now I just feel dead inside?
One football player to another: I really like how we’ve slowly integrated doing work into the week.
Managing Editor 1: Taking shower be down in a sec
Managing Editor 2: Be clothed.
But I care about you
Ppl love fucking in the girls room
I’m sorry for everything that happened