Sukkah Punched!

October 24, 2016


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Overheard in National Review

Pundit, drenched in his own spit: Trump is like one of those Italian barefoot peasant women who make wine by stomping on grapes all day, except instead of grapes it’s d**ks as far as the eye can see and Trump is wear- ing very expensive shoes.

Overheard in Patton

Female writer, to aesthete: You had a tweet about Benjamin a few days ago and it was so true.

Overheard in Whitman

Frosh valley girl: Every time I take a step I secretly fart a little bit.

Overheard near Frist

Man, wearing Yeezy boots: I’m really feeling my Shia LaBeouf look right now.

Overheard in history seminar

Professor: I like Vespasian, he’s the one who built the urinals.
(Later): Anyone can have a stroke, that doesn’t take a special talent.

Overheard in Rocky common room

Freshman: Every time I laugh it’s fake. I try very hard to have an audible and melodious laugh.

Overheard in Marquand

WASP, waving Apple Pencil: Look at my Torah wand!

Overheard near Pyne

TI junior 1: Last year, I went home with a boy after he bit me on the Ivy dance floor and I started bleeding.
TI junior 2: Was it a good kind of bleeding?

Overheard in Murray Dodge

Senior activist woman, on mutual friend: She’s a normal theater person. I don’t even dislike her at all.

Overheard on iMessage

Conflicted Jewish male writer: I don’t want to peddle in some bullshit shtetl nostalgia.
(Later): I need to rename this character, I can’t use Adolf.

Overheard at a national publication

Journalist, contemplatively: Gmail emojis...are doing me dirty.

Overheard in Wilf

Gay sophomore, on Israel experience: I didn’t hook up with a girl! And she didn’t get herpes from me. And she was 14, not 13.

Overheard outside Firestone

Sophomore: What was the rabbi to non rabbi ratio?
Other sophomore: I don’t know how to do ratios, but there were ten rabbis.

Overheard at Terrace

Woman: Why did he just say “I’m not trying to be sketchy?”
Other woman: Because he want- ed me to buy his coke for $10.

Overheard at Nass meeting

Buoyant senior: As a child, I once tried to waterproof myself with vaseline. I hadn’t realized that I am already waterproof.