Retrospective female: I used to use Tinder as a way of exploring the restaurants around here.
Nass EIC: The New Testament is just fan fiction of the Old Testament.
Frosh on a health kick: I don't do tropical fruit in my acai bowl. I'm more of a berry boy.
Nass EIC: The first time I tripped, I fully realized that I'm a pathological misanthrope.
Jewish girl: You'll be happy to know my bat mitzvah was at a bowling alley – an upscale bowling alley.
Terran: I guess the most stressful thing I’ve done is smoked before a jazz band concert in my senior year of high school.
Terrace officer: I just have flesh-eating bacteria on my mind a lot.
Devout Catholic advertising for interfaith dinner: There will be food and ample opportunities for friends, fun, and evangelization.
SWUG (Sophomore Washed Up Gay): I was such a good boyfriend that they literally needed a trans-continental rebound.
Terrace alum: I love self deprivation. That’s why I always do Lent.
Jewish Ivy junior, sincerely: Quad don’t give no fucks.
Sophomore Ivy Pi Phi: I've never faced rejection – I definitely can't start now.
Random Frosh: I feel like he's one of those people who thinks he's really talented because he's really rich.
Drunk engineer 1: I gave up alcohol for Lent.
Drunk engineer 2: It would have been easier if you had given up sex.
Frosh concernedly looking at foot: I just looked at my foot and got so worried that I had four toes.
Ivy soph: I just don’t get social climbing vibes from him... maybe the fact that he’s using me to climb is clouding my judgment.
Lapsed Episcopalian Upper East Sider, eating her acai bowl: I spent last Easter at Sunday Funday.