Leggy Intellectual: I am so not an American; it's taken me a long time to relate to people like Neil Young.
Girl 1: At least you didn’t fall for a hobbit who left you for a cross-eyed girl.
Girl 2: Yeah, but I fell for a hobbit who left me for a man.
I guess he didn’t really leave me.
New School Student 1: I’m black.
New School Student 2: Not really. You’re like Obama-black.
Female economics major: Are you going to work for an investment bank this summer?
Male economics major: I don't think so. Investment banking is okay, but my real passion is consulting.
Student running for USG office: (knocks on door)
Guy in room: (answering) Hello!
Student running for USG office: You are so great at hearing!
Kid (looking at a Pollock): It looks so good, I just wanna lick it up!