Soph 1: Was Coachella fun?
Soph 2, after long pause: I cried the entire flight back.
Soph 1: Are you going to go back?
Soph 2: I’m def going back next year...and the year after that...I think I’m just going to go until I have a baby.
Ivy senior: my medieval teacher sprained her back picking up one of her dachshunds so class is only for an hour!
Girl in a fedora, to friends: I could almost be drunk right now. [sees passer-by looking at her] But I’m not. I’m drunk off of sunshine and beauty.
PFA member: Easter is Sunday Funday and 4/20 day. It’s pretty bad.
PFA member 2: Pick your poison...or your salvation.
Bro: What’s a girl professor, a professorette?
Guy 1: You’ll have to introduce her.
Guy 2: Yeah. Introduce her to my prostate, if you know what I mean.
British frosh: My parents didn’t have music at their wedding so no one would dance.
AEPi junior: I’ve never tried to twerk before, but I think I’d be really good at it. Like, you know, one of those things you know you’d be a natural at.
Madman: While Obama advocates sexual perversion with the same international obsession of a communist revolutionary, Putin defends traditional ethics and religion.
Future private equity analyst: I think you can quantify how good a baby is.
Girl, to boy: Please don’t end this relationship over a fedora.
Shere Khan male, staring pensively at iTunes playlist entitled “Emo mix,” typing into search bar: “gym class heroes”
Same Shere Khan male, seconds later, typing into search bar: “dashboard confessional lyrics”
Terrace sophomore: What department are you thinking of majoring in?
Prefrosh from Hell: Econ at first, but it looks like you can go to Wall Street from here with any major, so now I’m not sure.
Gay senior, to male in St. Christopher’s School shirt: Is that an all-boys school?
Gay senior: Ugh, I would have loved it there. I would have been so deep in dick