Girl, in line for the bathroom: I’m hanging out with Sigmas and they don’t understand my life. Like, I can order a Bloody Mary whenever I want.
Insightful freshman male, to female counterpart: I think I’m a little too much of an atheist to believe in god.
Jewish grandmother: I am very proud of you that you are considered for the Shapiro Prize. I sent you vitamins and you will receive them on Friday. Plese pick it up as soon as you can and take on every day. Luv u.
Sorority sister: I read a book a Japanese woman wrote that says you should only keep material goods that bring you pure joy...The green juice from Tico’s brings me pure joy.
Columnist: Often underclassmen will go together to the PUID clubs.
Senior girl, on phone: Theoretically, I’m doing homework.
Senior Theta: Ugh, I accidentally brought a water bottle full of vodka to the gym today.
Independent and future diplomat: I don’t want to learn how to cook because I want to be able to tell people that I’m the "canned food guy."
Brit, on Keats: I’ve seen his death mask in person and I have to say, he’s not that good-looking .
Rabbi’s brother: My body is a synagogue.
Male feminist: I’m going to abort this Princeton Pro-Life poster.
Junior Zete, boastfully: I don’t get hungover. Once I thought I had a hangover, but it was actually a really bad case of blue balls.
RCA, in line: Is that one of my zees that just cut the line? I’m gonna end him, I’m gonna end him!!!
Beleaguered Pi Phi junior: Ugh, I have to dry clean my boyfriend’s shirt now.
6-year-old, singing: I only want you to touch me, not feel me, when I’m fed up, that’s the real me.
Junior fratter, on brotherhood: The secret is this: close enough to get a bid, not close enough to be called as a character witness at their inevitable sexual assault trial.
Tiger Inn alum ‘79: I went to the mountains and you know what they told me? (Whispers) Sell bonds.