Shake Your Tree

October 17, 2015

Verbatim

More →

Overheard in a UWS restaurant

Girl, in line for the bathroom: I’m hanging out with Sigmas and they don’t understand my life. Like, I can order a Bloody Mary whenever I want.

Overheard in Forbes dining hall

Insightful freshman male, to female counterpart: I think I’m a little too much of an atheist to believe in god.

Overheard on Facebook

Jewish grandmother: I am very proud of you that you are considered for the Shapiro Prize. I sent you vitamins and you will receive them on Friday. Plese pick it up as soon as you can and take on every day. Luv u.

Overheard in Cafe Viv

Sorority sister: I read a book a Japanese woman wrote that says you should only keep material goods that bring you pure joy...The green juice from Tico’s brings me pure joy.

Overheard in the Prince

Columnist: Often underclassmen will go together to the PUID clubs.

Overheard outside Marquand

Senior girl, on phone: Theoretically, I’m doing homework.

Overheard in Pyne

Senior Theta: Ugh, I accidentally brought a water bottle full of vodka to the gym today.

Overheard during a meeting

Independent and future diplomat: I don’t want to learn how to cook because I want to be able to tell people that I’m the "canned food guy."

Overheard in Terrace

Brit, on Keats: I’ve seen his death mask in person and I have to say, he’s not that good-looking .

Overheard in Terrace

Rabbi’s brother: My body is a synagogue.

Overheard at Studio 34

Male feminist: I’m going to abort this Princeton Pro-Life poster.

Overheard at Ivy

Junior Zete, boastfully: I don’t get hungover. Once I thought I had a hangover, but it was actually a really bad case of blue balls.

Overheard outside Capmandu

RCA, in line: Is that one of my zees that just cut the line? I’m gonna end him, I’m gonna end him!!!

Overheard at Ivy

Beleaguered Pi Phi junior: Ugh, I have to dry clean my boyfriend’s shirt now.

Overheard in Dillon locker room

6-year-old, singing: I only want you to touch me, not feel me, when I’m fed up, that’s the real me.

Overheard in Pyne

Junior fratter, on brotherhood: The secret is this: close enough to get a bid, not close enough to be called as a character witness at their inevitable sexual assault trial.

Overheard at Goldman Sachs

Tiger Inn alum ‘79: I went to the mountains and you know what they told me? (Whispers) Sell bonds.