Sophomore Theta: That's the first time I've seen him since he tied me up.
Girl, to boyfriend: You can't do this. You know I don't have money to bail you out again.
Keith, the salad guy: I make the Herb Dressing, so I'm changing its name to Keith Dressing.
My logo's gonna be 3 Ks. (pause) Wait, no, that would be bad.
Girl, noticing two girls taking a selfie: Do you guys want me to take a picture of you?
Girl 2: No, we're trying to take a selfie.
Prince editor: I hope journalism dies.
Non-ROTC female: What are you listening to?
ROTC male: Rage Against the Machine--they're my favorite band.
Non-ROTC female: ... But aren't you the machine?
Bro, to tune of "Game of Thrones" theme: Weiners, weiners weiners, weiners weiners, weiners weiners, weiners weiners.
Dude: If you join Terrace you get to be super edgy and cross the street this way every day.
Senior girl: Who here eats foie gras on a regular basis?
Guilty Catholic: I feel like having sex before bed because I gave up Netflix kind of defeats the purpose of Lent.
Girl with "Woodrow Wilson School" email signature, to editor: do less.
Girl walking out of United Left meeting: I was shocked. I thought all of the communists had died.
Professor P. Adams Sitney, garrulously: More than other sex organs of the vegetable world, orchids look the most like labia. Remember that for prom.
Susan Patton, to WWS frosh: You have the most beautiful pair of eyes I've ever seen.
(turns to sophomore guy) And you are very handsome.