Cookie Enthusiast: I think I would kill everyone here if it meant I would receive the freshest cookies.
Freshman girl: Oh! A senior! I bet he’s hard at work on his essay right now!
Girl: I need, like, all of these treats for later.
Boy: You disgust me.
Sophomore: Second, I would like to point out that someone actually poured a cup of urine on me.
Bro: I can get all this candy?
Bro: For just this money?
Mother of prospective student: This would be a good place to meet a husband.
Girl: I know, it’s high on my list.
Argyle sweater: So you’re into quaaludes?
Terran #1: Can I borrow your phone?
Terran #2: Naw dog my pants are too tight.
Chinese tourist, in Chinese: Where are the tigers? Where is Einstein’s office? Where is the math department?
Student: I wanted to take this course because I saw that it covered [King] Louis Philippe and I want to better understand my familial background.