Terrace officer: You look like you run a closed Blockbuster.
Terrace sophomore 1, to Terrace sophomore 2: Your fur coat is so comfortable.
Terrace sophomore 2: Did I tell you I’m a vegan again?
Young man, to girlfriend: I still can’t believe the meme king slid into your DMs. If you left me for him, honestly I’d understand. I could tell everyone I got cucked by a top-tier meme poster.
Press Club girl 1, to Press Club girl 2: And you know I’m into the intersection between nice Jewish boys, intellectuals, philosophers, and communists.
Greenwich WASP: I LOVE business casual. I feel more comfortable in a linen jacket than in a bathing suit and t-shirt any day.
Econ major, unprompted: Have you ever played pickup basketball with a homeschooled guy? They rarely know how.
Sophomore girl: You might be the most melodramatic person I know.
Nass Editor: I went to Auschwitz, bitch.
Forbesian: I run barefoot on the golf course. I try to be barefoot outside at least once a month. Just to feel the earth.
NYC Nash frosh: Do you ever feel that in your life your parents paid for you to have friends?
Nass editor: You never read the Nass.
Ivy sophomore: That’s not true! I check Verbatim when I know I’m going to be in it.
Male WASP: My sister almost beat some homeless men out of their year’s supply of food during a pizza eating competition when she was 11.
Sophomore Renaissance woman, on dude from writing sem: He was really good at chem and bio... in an anti-intellectual kind of way.
First-year: I am a tall, white man of privilege—they won’t hit me. I am the most expensive thing in the parking lot.
Communist: I can’t work under such biopolitical conditions.
HGTV enthusiast: I wanna get drunk with the Property Brothers.
Jewish progressive: We got offered coke at the Yeshiva basketball tournament.