Townie Girl 1: We're not Jewish but my parents are making me observe Passover. Like Obama. He's keeping kosher for Seder.
Townie Girl 2: Isn't he Muslim?
Townie Girl 3: Yeah.
Girl: And he was like, "You can put me on the guest list for Cottage," and I was like, "Dad, shut the fuck up, you didn't even go here."
Professor, on cellphone: Well, seeing as my range of e-friends is quite broad... [Pause.] Yeah, I wasn't sure you would get that, it's a list of my friends on the Internet.
Without trucks america can't survive, everything you own was more than likely on a truck at one time.
President Lyndon B. Johnson, of a pair of pants: Yeah. Now, another thing: the crotch, down where your nuts hang, is always a little too tight. So when you make them up, give me a inch that I can let out there, because they cut me. They're just like riding a wire fence. [...] See if you can't leave me about an inch from where the zipper [belches] ends around under my—back to my bunghole.