Frustrated Nass socialite, about creative writing class: 2/3 of this weeks short stories to be workshopped contain a cum motif.
Junior Pi Phi: I think I’d rather be oppressed than obese.
Can I please be taken off the email list?
License plate “H1ND1”; bumper sticker “[Son’s Name] PERFECT 2400 SAT SCORE” with test date included
Disgruntled Exeter alum, to Andover alum: Your boathouse sucks.
Overconfident freshman: I could jump over Blair Arch. If it was bending over.
Asian girl, talking about date: We went to Tiger Noodles.
Asian guy: Did he like it?
Asian girl: He’s white, does it really matter?
A chorus of pranksters jumping out from behind the wall to a passing boy who just picked up a dollar: POOP DOLLARRR
Bewildered Boy, looking down to discover his now poop covered hand: Shit!
Presumed grad student 1: So is there usually a long queue at these things?
Presumed grad student 2: I don’t really know. I always cut to the front because, you know, I’m the Blond White Guy Who Speaks Hindi.