Theta junior: What’s the word for being prejudiced against gay people again?
Gay junior: Homophobia??
Math major: I think I like boba just because I subconsciously like balls in my mouth
Self-assured sophomore: I also have to get drunk tonight so I can justify my juul use
Freshman girl: "Oh do you have a job yet?"
Junior girl: "Yeah! I'm working at Bain"
Freshman girl: "What’s Bain?"
Junior girl: "…"
Girl looking at photos of past grad students: She’s so cute! Why is she doing math?
Senior investment banker, on climate scientists: If all of these guys are such predictive geniuses, why don’t they just run hedge funds?
Former Ivy member: What do you mean I'm not a champagne socialist? I work for a non-profit!
Male voice with British accent: No, no, NO!!! WEAR something fucking STYLISH!!!!!
Girl, looking at boy’s recent social media activity: HAHAHA oh my god I’m hollering. I literally don’t care. I want to go home. I want to go home and be alone. I want be at home, alone, in my bed. I want to be alone forever.
Coach: Who wants to touch me?
Columbia girl, on friend’s boyfriend: He’s a super cute midwestern guy and there’s nothing weird about him. It’s crazy.
Confused junior, reading from New Year’s resolutions: “Make a new friend?? Was I drunk???”
Terran: This tea is good.
Knowing Sophomore: "I never use Eduroam–I go to Starbucks to surf the dark web."
ROTC frosh walking in: "You know, we're just absolute menaces."
CJL alum: and that's why you can't trust a jew in cottage.
Frosh: I would rather tattoo my entire body than take writing sem.
Capitalist TI Junior: “I wish there was a way to Co-Op every- thing. That would be so cool.”
Marxist Ivy Junior: “It’s called Socialism”