Guy 1: So I just started dating this girl and it's her birthday; what should I get her?
Guy 2: Well the thing is that with a longterm relationship you can give her something you know she could use, but with a girl you just started dating...well, you have to give her something beautiful, but useless.
Guy 1: So where would I find a useless object of beauty... besides Cottage?
Girl: I can taste the nonfat in this.
Ivy Bouncer: Teddy, you just missed it [indicating Theodore Wildman van Beuren '05].
TWvB: What, man?
Ivy Bouncer: So, this girl just comes up and she's like "I have a piercing, can I get in?" And I'm like, "Where's your piercing?" The girl is wearing this short skirt, right? She lifts it up and then pulls down her panties... I let her in.
GS1: I'm on the paloeozoic diet.
GS2: What's the paleozoic diet?
GS1: You only eat things that paleozoic man could have eaten.
So I didn't know the name of the guy I had just fucked. So I was like yo dude, dude, you have to leave.