Press Club member: What does “on fleek” mean? It’s like, French for on point, right?
Leftist Jew to girlfriend, in bed: Do you want engage critically, or do you just want to emote?
Former Fed Vice President: I don’t know the names of rappers be- sides...what’s his name? Beyoncé’s husband. And I heard there’s a guy named Kanye West or something.
Girl, talking to boy: I feel like I'm less anxious than other people, but it may have just been my bohemian upbringing.
Physics professor to class, while inhaling Helium: I'm definitely getting high, but is my voice getting higher?
TI Senior Female: I think the eating of butts is the most egalitarian sex act there is.
Senior: Giving out my extra passes is like giving to the Salvation Army
Female Terran, discussing plans for evening: I'm always down to damage the male ego.
Woman in Moncler: Just put 50 million aside and say, "This is my play money".
Young woman: When you get your wisdom teeth out you lose 20 pounds like instantly because you can't eat, so get excited.
Freshman guy: We still haven't introduced ourselves yet.
Freshman girl: Let's all go around the room and say our name and spirit animal.
Freshman guy: I'm [name], and...yeast.
KA 1: I'm gonna check my credit score next month and it's going to be higher than yours.
KA 2: I'm taking out a line of credit, let the arms race begin
BodyHype expat: Speaking of eugenics, have you heard my new startup idea?
PFA Freshman: I can't let her down. She came all the way from South Carolina to experience this.
Woman perusing restaurant menu, to friend: That's not gonna help your pink eye, but it's very tasty.
Muslim girl, astutely: the qur'an doesn't say anything about molly
Man: They would always make fun of me for being a hipster. But I'm not. I just used to be.