Girl 1: My mom left me a message asking me about my spring break plans, and she said to call her back, and then told me what the home phone number was.
Girl 2: Hahaha, that is so depressing.
Woman: What's the difference between Coke Zero and Diet Coke?
Student: Coke Zero only has one calorie.
Guy: No you don't understand. My best friends are people I've slept with.
Girl: I'm not sleeping with you.
Girl: So then in the morning you use the advanced people search and look the person's name up by room number.
Guy: Does anyone actually do that? I mean, it's more likely that you'll remember the name than the room. Oh wait, that happened to me the other night.
Girl 1: Do they have rehab for unrequited love?
Girl 2: I think it's called therapy.
Sorority Girl 1: How much would you have to be paid to drink horse cum?
Frat Dude: A lot. $10,000?
Sorority Girl 2: Less than that!
Sorority Girl 1: Yeah, I mean, I drink human cum all the time for free!