Girl 1: I just ate so many Wheat Thins, but I’m still hungry.
Girl 2: For what?
Girl 1: Retribution.
Guy 1: I think you have a coke problem.
Guy 2: I don’t have a coke problem. I have a masturbation problem. I went home last night, blew two and a half grams, and jerked off for ten hours.
Princeton Economics Professor Harvey Rosen: Capitalism without losses is like Christianity without Hell.
President George W. Bush: Harvey, stick to economics.
Toni Morrison: When we discuss homelessness, we rarely ask, “Why do we value the home?” What about people who have too much home? People who can’t leave home?
Theta ‘09: Watch out for those SAE pledges tonight, because you’re going to have to make out with all of them.
Theta ‘12: Oh, okay!!!