New Look New Nass

November 14, 2015

Verbatim

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Overheard on iMessage

Woman determined to seduce preceptor: What’s the most flirtatious topic I could write about? Abortion?

Overheard in the CJL

Jew 1: So what are you doing this summer?
Jew 2: Getting married...

Overhard at Cap

Cap Junior: I could buy whatever is getting raffled off, but I still like to participate because it makes me feel like part of the working class.

Overheard on iMessage

Sophomore sorority girl: Probably my worst nightmare is to get my period in TI.

Overheard in Brown

Terrace Junior, on adding Fireball to beer: It turns a mediocre beer into an event.

Overheard in Maine

Dashing youth, on Kafka: He died young, so he never got ugly.

OH on the G train

Pi Phi everywoman: I feel like we’re in Rent!!

Overheard in Edwards

Indignant sophomore, over croissants: If you can’t tell a door is a door because there’s a poster on it, you deserve to die in a fire.

Overheard on an answering machine

Voicemail message: Thank you for your call. No one can
answer the phone right now because everyone is out fighting for social justice. Please leave your name and number and we will get back to you.

Overheard in Henry

Junior international: Let me retake that snap, everyone needs to know that my Rolex is mother of pearl.

Overheard on iMessage

Lonely girl on campus for break: Can’t wait for dinner tonight!
Ivy male: Me too. I’m very excited. However, unfortunately, I find myself extremely hungover at a horse race at James Madison’s estate, drinking.
Ivy male: Meaning that I may need to reschedule.

Overheard in Ivy

Ambitious senior girl, observing boys play FIFA: I don’t understand...do these boys not have work to do? You know what? Success is a choice. No pressure, no diamonds.”

Overheard at 2D

Furniture Expert: It’s IKEA, so it has to be really good.

Overheard HIS 448

Junior: Anals of history? Annals? How do you say that word? Anals?
Ivy senior: That’s why they called it the Dark Ages.

Overheard on the radio

DJ Khaled: I didn’t know what makeup was until Instagram.

Overheard in Edwards

Nass Junior: I read The Bell Jar six times in one month.