New Bees

February 7, 2015

Sex, Drugs, and American Dreams

The best song released last year, ILoveMakonnen’s “Club Goin’ Up on a Tuesday,” blooms in purgatory.

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The Wa, Revisited

Lamenting the loss of an architectural and cultural fixture.

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Lost

Do love like jobs, that’s what I say.

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Attachments

“Honey, you’re so talented with computers,” my mom smiles. “Can you please help me attach this file?”

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Matters

2 AM, Tuesday, halfway done with my senior year of college. I was anxiously contemplating what I would do tomorrow, and then this summer, and then next year, and then for the rest of my life. Then came panic, and, shortly following that, a flashback.

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FUSE

It is an afternoon in early October and the grass on the south lawn of Frist is thick and soft as moss.

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The Slums

What you really mean when you say “Slums”

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The Separation of Church and Church

When unarmed black teenager Michael Brown was fatally shot by white police officer Darren Wilson this past August, Americans of all colors raised their voices in sorrow and outrage.

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The Arts Are Indeed in Transition

As we approach Spring semester I wanted to take a moment and respond to “The Arts in Transition,” an article by Andrew Sondern that ran in the Nassau Weekly last term.

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Verbatim

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Overheard in Dod

Physics major, recently accepted to grad school: How many is six?

Overheard at the Millions March

KA bro: I only cry at musicals.

Overheard by Palmer Square

Local youth 1: She’s so hot. You’re friends with her, right?
Local youth 2: Kind of.
Local youth 1: Is she weird?
Local youth 2: No.
Local youth 1: Well, is she a slut?
Local youth 2: No.
Local youth 1: Dang.

Overheard in TI

Chi Phi junior 1: In fact, I haven’t seen any dicks today.
Chi Phi junior 2: That’s amazing.

Overheard in an email

Prof. Warren: Dear Colonialists...

Overheard on MLK Day

Cottage junior: What’s Selma?

Overheard on Nassau Street

High school boy: I could really go for some pussy right now.

Overheard at Stanford

Frat bro: Yo, it’s like we invented the keyboard, and we also invented the pen.

Overheard at prominent magazine

Reporter, on phone: How would your mom sext? How would your grandma sext? Are they sexting?

Overheard in Frist

Man with e-cig, on Tower Underground: It’s underground. I have to be there.

Overheard in the Deep South

90-year-old man: Anyway, didn’t mean to get into anti-semitism.
His wife: But you can’t help it.

Overheard in Seville

Kappa senior: I drunk bought a vibrator one night. I regretted it in the next morning, though.
Male senior: Why didn’t you just cancel it, then?
Kappa senior: Well they had a two for one sale.

Overheard in Wilson

Angsty man, on phone: I’m trying every day not to sin. I’m struggling every day to confront the devil and his temptations.

Overheard in Horse Country

Ex-financier, watching Wolf of Wall Street: I don’t remember it being like this. (Nude model crashes onscreen.) Well, maybe it was.

Overheard in NES 245

Michael Cook, on coverting to Islam to fit in: People don’t invite me to their circumcision ceremonies. It’s not nice.

Overheard in groupme

Ivy male: If you check his snapchat story, [redacted] wasn’t lying. His family’s plane is kind of shitty.

Overheard postcoitally

Brooklynite: Girl, I love you so much you make me wanna include strong three dimensional female characters in my novel.

Overheard in American Cinema

Zete senior, on Brokeback Mountain: I can’t keep Jack and Ennis straight.