Freshman: Where are you from?
Woody Woo Junior: Pakistan.
Freshman: Oh, is that in India?
Intime Sophomore, pointing at guy wearing Oakland A’s hat: Why do A’s members have to flaunt that they’re in A’s?
Girl in boots: My passion is man-aging natural disasters, you know, like Katrina. I hope I can one day become the head of FEMA; that’s my dream.
Professor, walking toward door: I’m about to say stupid stuff, so I have to make sure the door is closed.
Girl: I want to get a summer house there, but just for the regatta.
Professor Nunokawa: What if I did die. Wouldn’t that be terrible. There would be a memorial service. Shirley would speak.
Freshman: irregardless of pronunciation motifs of delineation and irregardless of how it activates senses it evokes provocative thoughts of malignant growths
Boy, while Columbia band was playing: It sounds like zits popping.
Kappa junior: Let’s be honest, Kappa is the Hufflepuff of sororities.
Jewish kid: She looked like she was punched in the face ... by a beehive.
Girl: I was watching the movie and I recognized some of the dancers.
Guy: What movie?
Girl:We had to watch an 80-minute movie on the origins of krumping.
Sophomore Pi Phi, walking to rush: I cannot smile for three hours right now.
Prince staffer, to Nass editor-in-chief: Do you want to be managing editor of the Prince?
Stout bro, bitching about music: Anybody who plays two Avicii songs in a row deserves to eat my butthole dry.
Checkout girl, smiling, looking pretty: Are you a senior?
Senior male: Yeah.
Checkout girl, smiling, looking pretty: Are you sad?
[Athlete walks by]
Asian freshman girl: He’s wearing an Ivy Club Sweatshirt! He just got so much dreamier! I told you he’d be in a good club!
[3 minutes later]
Which sorority do you think sleeps with the hottest guys?