[Pi Phi pledge reads aloud Campus Safety Alert about the campus masturbator] Other Pi Phi pledge: Well ... do you think he was hot?
SAE pledge, to other SAE pledge, sheepishly: Yo, I don’t mean this in a gay way, but if anal sex is like backwards pooping, that sounds kind of awesome.
Ivy senior, rolling an Ivy pass into a cigarette filter: This is like the social equivalent of burning a $100 bill.
Sophomore boy: I know that word from Civ IV.
Terrace girl: I got really mad the other day about the Orange and Black Ball.
Terrace guy: Why?
Terrace girl: It’s super heteronormative. The advertising is all, “Get your hetero date.”
Terrace guy: ... Is it?
Professor: I don’t know how much you guys who are taking this class for a grade care about cancer--but you old auditors in the back probably do!
Guy 1: Some guy in my physics class got a 93 on the midterm.
Guy 2: Is he Asian?
Guy 1: No, he’s just a normal-looking kid.
Elder Pi Phi: Really important pledge task!! [Redacted] and I need two girls to wax our barbours
Muggle 1: But I wouldn’t want to have powers all the time, right?
Muggle 2: Yeah!
Muggle 1: Because then people would, like, ask me to help them.
Guy 1: My AAS preceptor is from Trinidad and—
Guy 2: What does he know about being African-American?
Girl: I don’t read books.
Girl: He smells like Cheetos 100% of the time and is really hairy and sweats in cold air. We went on a date, and he ate like six cannolis.