Nass To Mouth

August 11, 2015

This is what I’ll remember about being a kid:

huddling under the covers and knowing

that if an elbow or toe peeked out,

whatever passing gods there were

would steal it before midnight…

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Priya Please Teach

TV killed the radio star, Netflix killed the TV star, and all that’s left for us is Twitter. That’s fine though, if all we have is @priya_ebooks.

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Doin’ It Live

Some of us seem to have our futures mapped out to a T, from the high-profile internship we’ll take after graduation to the suburban condo where we’ll raise our first yellow lab. But this summer, I didn’t have time to rehearse.

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msg 2 my ghost

ghost,

im chasing u round the attic. u lead me round my attic, over chintzy 50s carpet, circumnavigating staircase well b/c u r scared 4 me—wild ghost chase? but there r many floors & rooms here & our friends r at a party in the next room…

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To Build A Mosque

As France’s churches become increasingly empty, more and more Muslims are seeking a place to worship. Muslim leader Dalli Boubakeur proposes a solution: turn churches into mosques. But the idea of transforming these historic sites into spaces for a foreign religion has outraged the nationalist right.

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Suicide Music

A teenage girl is found dead in her bedroom. The culprit? Emo, a death-obsessed youth subculture. But while some teens claim emo romanticizes mental illness, others call it therapy.

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Twentieth Summer

I like hard work, but I just stare at my computer screen. I like to run, but I move like my joints are poured concrete. I want to cook biryani but I keep buying granola…

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The New Garden Theatre

Once a small-town movie house that navigated the local market with bumbling charm, the Garden Theatre has grown into an exhibit of Old Princeton nostalgia under its new management. This is all well and good for Princeton’s polished and intellectual reputation, but I’ll miss the old Garden’s cozy modesty.

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Le Lapin

Ruth is anxious to meet baby sister. Yet a chance encounter with a strange magician and his rabbit render the future anything but predictable.

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Verbatim

More →

Overheard in Budapest

Junior: Now she works for HR and is totally normal, but you can tell she spent the majority of her youth on quaaludes.

Overheard in DC

Future Madam President: Instead of watching the GOP debate, I masturbated.

Overheard in a club:

Ivy alum: I find it hard to accept gifts from short men.

Overhead in DC

Senator, to aide: I need a Twizzler.
(Later)
There's a mosquito in here and I don't know what to do about it.

Overheard on the eastern shore

Cap member: I've been thinking a lot about how cap has this reputation for being chill but actually what it means is that people try really hard to construct their chillness... there are a lot of cool and chill people in my year but some of them are such tryhards.

Overheard at 7:15 am

NSA employee: I am too drunk to go to work. It's a question of national security.
Me: You're the rap game Edward Snowden.
NSA employee, stricken: No, no...we don't joke about him.

Overheard in East Village

Bodyhype alum: Why would I go to a strip club if I can go to a cast party and get a lap dance for free?

Overheard on Bushwick roof

Comp Lit major: I'm a writer; I'm an ideas prostitute.

Overheard in Prospect Heights

Leftist Jew: My dad loves the Holocaust.

Overheard in NYC

TI Bro, to alum: If you need another recommendation for the squash club, let me know and I'll tell my dad to put you up.

Overheard in Delaware

Williams math major, with ultimate seriousness: Because the car window is cracked, we would likely survive if it went off the bridge.

Overheard in DC

Tipsy WASP, defensively: I haven't puked from vomiting since Andover.

Overheard in Magazine Office

PR employee: Sometimes when I watch the ISIS torture videos I'm like, this would make a great reality show.

Overheard on Princeton Lost & Found Facebook Page

Global Citizen: It seems I have misplaced my phone. It is either in the Ivy Club's TV room or at the Four Season's hotel in Baku, Azerbaijan. Please let me know!