Social media editor: Hey, want to see this crazy bug bite on my ass?
Web editor: Sure.
Former web editor: I guess?
Social media editor: *lowers pants and underwear in the middle of rocky dhall*
Editor: I saw Kendall Jenner outside a sweetgreen in TriBeCa... what’s your favorite sweetgreen?
Senior man: Are you drunk? You smell like beer.
Senior female: That does not us drunk make.
Neurotic copy editor, on the death of print journalism: Do you hear me in the distance, screaming? Cause I’M DOING IT!!
Canada Goose-wearing Nass editor: I honestly can't think of a better 20th-century leader than Fidel.
Sophomore Theta 1: My biggest fear is failure.
Sophomore Theta 2: Mine is chlamydia.
"Cool Kid" preceptor: They see everyone else doing binge drinking… wait. "Doing binge drinking." I promise I'm a cool kid!
Press Club Co-President: I don't think I ever really learned how to write an essay.
Overachieving sophomore: Academic Masochism. . . that's my kink.
Manic pixie dream girl: Everyone knew the code so it was basically unlocked. The code was 42069.
Former Nass EIC: Every white girl loves Lil Dicky!!
Overachieving boarding school frosh: Cocaine is just so good for my GPA.
Small-town soph, reminiscing: That’s really all you need -- a good, sexist high school boyfriend.
Franzia-drunk Ivy soph: And I was like, “This is a smoothie from the Wa -- where’s the Tico’s??”
VIS professor: Think: professionally lit rave.
Ivy Junior, seemingly deep in the JP grind: Wow, look at this halved cabbage!
Ivy soon, screaming: CAPITALISM IS WAY MORE FUN