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Aggressively stereotypical Ivy sophomore: "Don't you love it? This feels like Yale."
Helpful friend 1: You should become a freelancer
Struggling writer: I would rather eat my own eyes
Helpful friend 2: That’s a graphic image. Something… different
Psych sophomore: When I was taking psych stats–
Cynical senior: What do they teach you in that? P-hacking?
Conspiracy theorist: Where are all the people who were born on 9/11. How come I’ve never met one?
Birthday girl: I feel like of all things, cookies are the easiest to be made by hand
Vegetarian: No one does texture like vegetables.
Person in power: This is your murder lighting.
Queer speculator: What is the color of gay? What do you need me to do to make it gayer?
Realistic friend: It’s too happy.
Enthusiastic girlfriend: This is your sigma male moment!
Distracted student: How can I slay in these conditions?
Aspiring president: I want to be normal in a way that appeals to nursing unions and Irish Catholics.
Aspiring campaign manager: You’re already normal. For god's sake, you wear khakis!
New College West inhabitant: "I'm loving these alternative dining halls."
Friend on couch: "Of these three books, which one did Sally Rooney write…Jane Eyre, Wuthering Heights, or Normal People?"
Barista tamping espresso: "Well, it's not Jane Eyre."
Ivy bro: “I’ve been spending way too much money on OnlyFans recently.”