Ivy officer: Terrace is the best club on the street.
TI Theta: Do you know how to find books in here? (later) Do I need the call number or are they alphabetized? (later) Where do I go to check these out?
AEPi sophomore: God says don’t talk a big game.
Exasperated TA to fellow exasperated TA: Don’t say anything else, you’re gonna fucking confuse them!
St. A’s: When I was 15, I had the legs of a man and the mind of a boy.
Nasser: I don’t have any best friends.
Lede: Last week, while the French people were tearing each other apart over a giant anal plug…
Penn girl, screaming on phone: Why? Why are you at the hospital? Why were you sent there?
Philosophical Hebrew 1, looking at English department website: This is full of obituaries.
Philosophical Hebrew 2: Dead white men?
Philosophical Hebrew 1: The best kind.
Sophomore girl: So, have you been to every eating club so far?
Black junior male: I have not been to Cottage.
Penn girl 1, looking at Colonial: What is that?
Penn girl 2: An eating club.
Penn girl 1: Are you fucking kidding me?!
Blonde, white male: I can’t have kids with someone who looks like me—they’d probably have hip dysplasia, like golden retrievers.
Some dude: I saw The Parent Trap at a very malleable age and it kind of imprinted on me...sexually.
Band member 1: I’d sell my soul for a thousand dolllars...Honestly, there’s very little I wouldn’t do.
Band member 2: Would you eat human?
Band member 1: I would eat deep-fried penis.
Joyce Carol Oates: They didn’t seem rich; they just seemed like middle-class people with a helicopter.