This week the Nass thinks like a dog, dances in verse, and reflects on Declaration Day.
History professor: “Chiang Kai-shek would not be very happy if he found out that historians are calling his style of suit the Mao suit.”
Unfunny sophomore: “I’m stoned.”
Unamused respondent: “Cool”
Unfunny sophomore: “As in, I’m in stone. Firestone Library.”
COS senior: “Joseph Kony was misunderstood.”
Staunch Marxist: “Should I pay my taxes?”
Paper-writing sophomore: “Yeah, so basically my thesis is that all white men just want to be back in the womb.”
White man: “You figured us out!”
Eating club president: “I don't think I'm a himbo?”
A friend who knows better: “Honey, if you have to ask.”
Confused friend: “Do you think Eisgruber is hot?”
Offended lesbian: *pause* “I'm gay.”
Hemingway-obsessed student: “In a way, condoms are just baby shoes.”
Beleaguered former girlboss: “How do I get off the Women in Economics and Policy mailing list?”
Thirsty girl: "I wanna hook up with someone this week. Oh wait, I have COVID.”
Humanitarian history major: “Well, she has done nothing to me ever, but at the moment I want her to die.”
Class-critiquing sophomore: "There's something anti-capitalist about taking my medication and washing it down with beer."
Comedic trainwreck: “It's better to be a chill trainwreck than an un-chill trainwreck. And some people pretend to be a trainwreck when they have their shit together. That's the worst.”
Worn-out senior after physics lab: "I don't care about Brownian motion! It's random and that's all I need to know."
Realistic junior: "That's not true. You don't need to know anything. 99% of people know nothing about Brownian motion and they lead happy, successful lives."
Helpful reviewer: “I learned Latin in school.” *finger guns*
Classics JP author: “That's so funny because this is Greek.”