College Republican: I’ve never actually seen MSNBC.
Professor: Why do people buy gold? It’s not because you want to enamel your dining room with gold.
Pi Phi Junior: You don’t know my friends.
Plebe 1: Are you royalty?
Plebe 2: Like landed gentry?
Archduchess, to plebes: No, no, no—landed gentry? Pshhh ...
Girl, to other girl, about attractive boy: He looks like the protagonist of a young-adult novel.
Receptionist, on phone: Your password is ‘kiddies.”
Contemplative sophomore: Blowjobs would be so much better with butter.
Nass junior: If you have to purse your lips to give a blowjob it’s not a big dick.
Girl, referring to debate: Obama killed it last night.
Friend: Really? I heard Romney was good.
Girl: No, definitely Obama. Look at the New York Times, every article says he won.
Pre-med bitchass: You other people don’t understand how pre-meds’ minds work. I have to be studying every second.
Sophomore girl #1: What if you could get pregnant from making out?
Sophomore girl #2: Oh my gosh I’d be soooo pregnant right now
Guy that Nass writer’s roommate brought back: Babe, it’s fine. Your roommate’s totally asleep.
Nass writer: (awake, with the lights on)
Pi Phi Junior: I like when I see ugly Thetas at the airport.
Jilted junior, on phone: I don’t get it. Given my pedigree and background, I should have been admitted into the club!
Editor-in-chief, seeking photography staff: Who takes photos not on their iPhone?
Freshman: I do.
Business Manager: ... do you use your Android?
Girl looking at garlic knots: Oohhh, I love these!
Dining hall worker: No you don’t. It’s psychological.