It’s Springtime

March 29, 2007

An Interview with a Solipsist

Q: What is a solipsist? A: Why are you asking me this? You know what a solipsist is. Q: Well, yes, but this is for the benefit of the readers, some of whom don’t know what solipsism is. A: It … Read More

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Buy, Princeton Buy!

You are enormously desirable. More desirable than you realize, even if you have an excess of confidence in your own good looks and god-given pheromones. In fact, you could be horribly maimed and they would still want you – not … Read More

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Goodbye, Princeton University

As any Princetonian who has followed the fates of Goldman Sachs and other bulge-bracket investment banks would know—given the 100 first-round interviews that Goldman gave out for summer internships, I’m assuming this group is sizeable—an increasingly disproportionate amount of these … Read More

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Bite My Scab, Blowhole!

Some years back, while browsing The Adventures of Pete and Pete fan sites (I obviously had lots of friends in high school), I happened upon one that listed the AIM screennames of several actors who played big roles on the show. I dutifully added the names to my buddy list – here were my true friends! – and waited patiently for the chance to badger them.

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Dr. David Bain, who made me pee in a cup

David Bain was a doctor, a world class physician. Just not by traditional standards. He had no degree, no formal training, no office with loud paper sheets, stethoscopes and tongue depressors and no tubs of biohazard sharps. But when he … Read More

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Trash Culture

On my way out from sipping a Go-Go Berry smoothie in Caravan of Dreams, one of East Village’s trendiest vegetarian eateries, I was surprised at the sight of several young people picking food out of the trash. It just so happens that Caravan of Dreams is just as famous for the freshness of its dumpsters as it is for the gourmet food on its menu.

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The Passion of Jack Bauer

All efforts to render politics aesthetic culminate in one thing: war.” -Walter Benjamin Nobody can accuse Jack Bauer of not having done enough for his country. He has killed more people than polio and saved more lives than Jonas Salk. … Read More

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Verbatim

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Oveheard in Blair Hall

Guy 1: It's just Febreeze, man, chill out!
Guy 2: I'm gonna fuck you up!

Overheard in Ivy Garden

Girl: You know, I don't think I would really mind if I didn't have any free will.

Overheard on Naacho member whiteboard

Writer 1: Great show! I want to have all of your babies!
Writer 2: One-child policy.

Overheard in Blair Arch

Frat Guy 1: That girl was so stupid.
Frat Guy 2: But that's the best kind!

Overheard in physics precept

Preceptor: Anybody have an idea which variable to use?

Physics Major: Does your friend have an idea?
Preceptor: Probably not... he's an economist.