Reformed prepster: In high school, I had a playlist called vineyard crimes.
Junior Terran: The only time I ever snorted Adderall, I hung out with neo-Nazis. They were surprisingly so normal.
Australian soph: Más Flow just makes me think of my period.
Ivy soph, after learning he was younger than the frosh with whom he was speaking: Well I’m a member here so…
YouTube search bar: how to treat people
STN-less soph: I'm really into pie charts these days... like, emotional pie charts.
Sleep-deprived frosh, at 3 a.m.: I'm so pale because of the weather that I'm actually beginning to experience white privilege.
Soph woman: Come to TI to watch straight men shake their hips like they haven't told a lie in their lives.
Nass editor: I have really good musk.
Jewish man: I’m flexing to stay warm.
Press Club co-president: I don't think I ever really learned how to write an essay.
Small-town soph: Flavored condoms are like … the worst.
Homesick New England soph: If Tom Brady retires before I graduate I'm dropping out.
Fuckboy # 324: If there is anything I can do to make your stays more pleasant, please do let me know.
Senior woman looking at a poster: MAVRIC is like a group that organizes events to help men be less shitty men.
Zete junior: Believe it or not, that's also the mission statement of Zeta Psi.
Senior female: I just don’t identify with the word “pussy.”
Random soph: Thesis fairying is like social security. You pay into it for three years and then you get less than expected when you're a senior.
Philosophy major: Moms are a lot like 3D printers. . . . I heard that in a TED talk.
Former events editor: This is an advanced bakery.