Guy 1: Don't have that candy, it's empty calories.
Guy 2: Oh whatever, I'm probably going to get wasted and boot later anyway.
Guy 1: Yeah, I'll probably do that too.
Guy 2: Hey, actually, you want to become bulimic with me?
Guy 1: A Lehman Brothers t-shirt? You’re selling out as a freshman?
Guy 2: I came here to sell out.
Senior physics major to sophomore girl: Physics is to math like sex is to masturbation. Do you wanna date?
Baggage checker: Has anyone put anything in your luggage without your knowledge?
Girl: If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?
Baggage checker: That's why we ask.
Griff Harsh (Meg Whitman's son) throws beer in Guy's face.
Guy: You can't do that to people.
Griff Harsh (points at himself): Billionaire.