Former junior editor: David Foster Wallace is a pretty insightful guy.
Pre-frosh: Yeah, we just went to Tiger Inn but everyone there was asleep.
White girl: Oh my god, why are you licking?
Wawa frosh: I can't eat fruit on campus. I have to go to the local farmer's market every Sunday.
Earnest foodie: Is crack vegan?
First-year, thoughtfully and earnestly: All my friends at other schools are getting hazed right now, and, you know, it'll kinda be cool to be part of it
Washed up athlete, reminiscing: Yeah, he was an alcoholic... so that was cool.
Woke ORFE bro: The Honor Code is essentially denying evolution.
Visibly upset girl, walking alone: Man, fuck the Catholics! God damn it!
Ivy COS Senior, delivering goodies to the poor thesising seniors: I feel like Marie Curie. Oh shit I mean Mother Teresa... the two most important women in my life.
Bro, chugging beer: Everybody looking at me like I'm a bitch but I've just got sensitive teeth.
Professor: I’m not anti-capitalist, but I am anti- radical inequality due to the structure of bourgeoisie capitalism.
Girl: When my mom got drunk she would wave lighters in my friends' faces and tell them not to get pregnant.
Incoming MS investment banking intern: When I was little, I loved the smell of cash.
Macedonian: You don’t hear Undergraduate Student Government and think, “this is something I want to join.”