Four-year-old girl, to father: It doesn’t feel very fun here, Dada.
*Annual TigerAlert Test notifications go off*
Huge football player: If I die, I die. I gotta finish this test.
White Pi Phi woman, screaming: So, first of all, I got KICKED OUT OF THE BLACK AFFINITY SPACE.
Consulting interviewee: "I just love thinking about different things."
Ivy junior to driver: Is there an aux on this bus?
Student to friend, on professor: She teaches stuff fine — she’s not a brilliant mind, but it’s okay.
Member of James Madison Society: Cottage is disseminating Confederate propaganda again.
Woman, screaming over “Dancing on my Own” by Robyn: THIS IS COLLEGE OKAY. THIS SONG IS COLLEGE.
Pi phi betch: I don’t really think about the Thetas until I see them in a group like that, and then I’m like oh my god I really hate them.
Male lacrosse player, on The New Yorker: Is that a girls’ gossip thing?
Frat president: Wow, we must have such high levels of toxic masculinity.
Drunken woman to her friend: You’re not Jesus Christ, you’re not Mother Teresa, you can’t fix people. And she’s clearly broken.
Student: *sneezes twice*
Sixth-year grad student preceptor: They warned us during graduate student orientation. The freshmen will get sick and spread it to us.
Guy at a table with friends: Eisgruber is doing a great job. (all laugh)
Liberal activist: I don't know about you, but Condoleeza Rice serves her tea BOILING.
Mother, trying & failing to turn on lamp: My three-way's not working!!
Triangle biz chair: Nobody in Triangle can know that I drank gin with a mixer.
Sophomore, self-diagnosing: I have like road-head scoliosis.