Senior TI woman: In a feminist way, I don’t need a penis to have a threesome. But, I do want a penis for a threesome.
Construction worker: I may disappoint Jesus but I would never disappoint you.
Sophomore Pi Phi: After working on a problem set with two bros, I had to join Princeton Students for Gender Equality.
Senior Pi Phi: Wow he went to Africa! Oh wait… I think that's just North Carolina.
St. B's senior: Someone once described Cannon to me as a glorified Chili's
Man: I took a snapchat video at Jewish prayer… is that what they call it? Anyways I found out that was really taboo.
Theta sophomore: I'm at the point where I would be fine with sitting on someone's lap.
YDS frosh: The people v. OJ Simpson was my political awakening.
Woman 1: Fun fact: my grandfather was a Princetonian from the midwest.
Woman 2: Did he win a Rhodes scholarship?
Woman 1: No, he was Jewish.
Marxist, looking at a display of toothpastes: This is why I hate capitalism; I'd rather the government just tell me what kind of toothpaste is best.
TA: Office hours will be from seven to eight. PM, because I’m a loser and I don’t have anything better to do with my Friday night.
Junior theta, to little boy: Do you want to come with us?!
Sophomore Pi Phi: Do you know what a humble Canada Goose is? A MonCler.
Insecure freshman: I wish I was a masochist so I could actually enjoy Princeton.
Connecticut Son of Princeton: Last time I rebelled against my parents, I applied to Duke.
Socially curious first-year: I don't understand Pi Phi. Is it just a coven of hot girls?
Junior history major: You have a tenuous grasp on both grammar and Marxism.