Guy: Morning wood is the body's way of keeping you from peeing at night. When you piss the bed when you're drunk, it's because you have whiskey dick and can't get it up.
Girl: I think my dog misses her uterus.
Officer: I can't seem to zip up my fly these days.
Guy: I love uptown girls. I want to blow a line of them.
Girl: If I had a toilet like that I'd never stop pooping
Girl 1: Iʼm thinking about taking orders.
Girl 2: What does that mean?
Girl 1: You know...becoming a nun.
Girl 2: Ohhhh. I thought you meant taking orders at a drive through window.
Guy: (in reference to the vagina monologues) So tomorrow is vagina day....
Girl: Every day is vagina day when youʼre a girl.