firstname.lastname@example.org: Thank you for your submission to the Nassau Literary Review. Unfortunately, “Dicks” was not selected for publication in this issue.
Prince news editor: Did you see the Nassau Weekly? They put our email in Verbatim.
Boy, petulantly: If you go to college, you’re not a redneck anymore!
Dumb girl: This room is hot. Like hot yoga hot.
Professor: This theory is fundamentally wrong, but it works beautifully.
Student: That’s how I feel about Kanye West.
“Cindra”: Fred and George had reinvented their own version of the snitch, after seeing something similar in the muggle Harry Potter video games.