White Guy #1 (in reference to Guy #2's application for membership at Guy #1's yacht club): "I should try and blackball you, just for fun... like telling the membership committee you actually don't know how to sail or something like that."
White Guy #2: "Or tell them I'm black."
Guy1: "It's not a brokerage house, it's an I-banking firm. Dad, don't START this with me!"
Girl1: "Oh! It's like, when those Catholic priests started molesting little boys! That was so sad..."
Overzealous effeminate freshman: I was feeling really rebellious in the shower today, so I decided to shave my arms. Feel them!! (Shoves arm in face) So smooth!!
Girl1: So are you going to go after him?
Girl2: I can't- my vagina still hurts from earlier!
Girl #1: I just love the way he manages to almost eroticize wood.