Aspiring journalist: Hi, I’m a reporter for the Prince and I’m writing an article about the protest. Could you give me some quotes?
Gay sophomore girl: She could totally be gay. Her hips are, like, forward, you know?
Worldly sophomore: The sign says “Lingerie and more.” I’m guessing the more is dildos.
Radical feminist: Until I came to Princeton I thought all dads were terrible.
Upperclassman, beating his chest among a swarm of Mechanical Aerospace Engineering majors: We’re the most lit fucking major!
Asian man, to friend: It’s neither heaven nor hell. It’s just Tower.
Ex-Terran: We should all get tested for STDs together— wouldn’t that be a room bonding experience?
Later, Ex-Terran: Wait didn’t you get tested for STDs or something last year?
Chicagoan: No, I just thought I had AIDS.
Frosh Valley Girl: I thought Newark was just a weird way of saying New York.
Woody Woo senior, definitively: Converting PDFs to Word is one of the biggest challenges that people face.
Student filled with wonderment at tale of limb breaking: I wish I had a broken bone.
Caricature of a man: I got really into music once I learned how piracy worked.
Soon after, same man, dripping in hubris: I feel like I should have a whole page in Verbatim.
Princeton Students for Reproductive Justice officer applicant: They offered me a position on the abortion committee.
Math major senior working in finance next year: There are so many sellouts here that we had a sellout panel.
Professor: The breakfast burrito, that magnificent imperialist thing, that appropriates multiple traditions and does justice to none
Woke male alum: ugh sorry that men r bad and also conditioned by patriarchal power structures to feel entitled to women’s bodies