Face Down Nass Up

March 4, 2018

Verbatim

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Overheard in philosohy class

Frosh having an existential crisis: I want them to play “I Took A Pill In Ibiza” at my funeral.

Overheard on FaceTime

Flu-ridden sophomore Pi Phi: Honestly this is probably what pregnancy feels like.

Overheard at Starbucks

Former St. A's member: Three things I hate the most: Big Oil, Big Pharma, Big Meat.

Overheard in Wilcox

Catholic schmuck at dinner: I'm not marrying someone unless they say they also want 10-12 children. Deal breaker.

Overheard at the Iowa Writers’ Workshop

Student 1, jokingly: I’m only here to waste time.
Student 2: Well, you’re doing a great job.

Overheard at Aquinas Retreat

Religious boi to complete stranger: I had a dream about hell last night and you were there.
Complete stranger: What the fuck, man

Overheard at Terrace

Shaman woman: So I got a three-pack of Disney knickers. One of them was Mulan.

Overheard in hot yoga

Suburban mom: My son said he wanted to get married. I said, "why the f would you do that?!" So he changed his mind and bought flying squirrels instead.

Overheard by a Frist printing station

Student in fur coat, using heavy-duty stapler, whispering to self: I feel like a grown-ass woman.

Overheard leaving TI

Soph to crying friend: What hole would he fill for you except for your vagina?

Overheard in Patton

PSafe officer about to McCosh a drunk senior guy in basement bathroom: Hurry get in the car! Frist is on fire!

Overheard in writing sem

Professor: So what's great about this essay?
Savage: You know, I really like the fact that this is the first draft and it'll be revised.

Overhead in a dorm room

Dramatic Pi Phi, on the phone a month-long boyfriend in Forbes: It's tough, but could we consider this an LDR?

Overheard in Frist

Female athlete, on leaving her belongings unattended: Yeah, I’m just a trust-y... uh... trusti— um... I trust people a lot.

Overheard in WWS322

Jaded senior: I want to be bored but it’s also interesting.

Overheard in 185

Drunk TI SWUG on Valentine's Day: I feel like in a past life I was a horse whisperer.

Overheard at Ivy

Former Ivy officer: I think it's incredibly ironic he would write that given our incredibly diverse new group of officers.

Overheard at a pregame

Nass frosh: Do you read the New Yorker? I mean, have you heard of David Remnick?