Ivy sophomore: Having friends on two different continents puts media strategy on a whole other level.
Bisexual Tower member: I wish it was 1952 so that I’d be forced to repress my sexuality and thus society would have made up my mind for me.
BodyHype senior: I certainly prefer my scrotum.
Freshman Chaucerian: How do you spell squiggle?
Bro voice: OK PEOPLE, QUES- TION: CAN WE KILL THIS BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE IN THE NEXT FOUR MINUTES? OK, LET’S OPEN IT.
Footnote: Gonna be honest, I hate listening to a capella. I just want to hear the real song.
Girl in trash line, argumentatively: Look, even if I did embezzle money, you still got your fair share.
Junior guy: I snorted protein powder two days ago.