Overzealous Athletic Director: Just because you come to Princeton doesn’t mean you have to give up the pursuit of excellence.
White sophomore: For me it was never anything but Princeton. It was just like, duh. Luckily I had a tiger mom, so it was a given.
(later) When I was little I just like read books. Like who does that? I was special.
Sophomore girl: It was an incestuous joke, and now it’s an incestuous reality.
Athlete, at top of his lungs: STOP TALKING ABOUT YOUR PERIODS!
Fashion designer’s daughter: I was taught to value clothes more than people.
Columnist: Ruby Karp, 13, of Manhattan grimaces as she takes an ugly selfie, which some teenagers use to challenge conventional beauty standards.
Terran streaking Ivy: I’m not afraid. Who’s going to beat us up, the University Press Club?
Bro 1, to friends: It’s really weird that I haven’t seen your penises. I’ve seen my home friends’.
Bro 2: I’m going to be honest, I have a small dick.
Southern belle: You can’t just buy your way into Southern deb balls like you can in New York.
White Cuban heiress, about tobacco perfume: I come from a long line of tobacco plantation owners, so this scent really speaks to me.
Poster: Why do you appreciate our facilities staff?
Response: Henry—thanks for never questioning the contents of our garbage. It means a lot.
Computer science major: All I read is Tiger Admirers posts.
Thoughtful freshman: To quote a nice little poem by Emily Dickinson…
Tower members to full cohort of new selectees, in raised voices: IF ANYONE ASKS YOU ABOUT BICKER, WHAT DO YOU SAY? YOU SAY “NO FUCKING COMMENT.”
Sober Girl 1: I just think... like I wouldn’t think if I heard your voice that it was hot.
Sober Girl 2, in high pitched whiny voice: But the question is, is it annoying?
Triangle member: Perform in a show directed by a Rhodes Scholar!