Professor William Jordan: It’s filthy stuff, but it’s witty filth, which makes it fun to read, unlike the Daily Princetonian. I’m just kidding, I love the Daily Princetonian. I don’t have a cat, but if I did I’d use it for its litter box.
Senior Nass-er: Marxism is kinda like the Velvet Underground.
Student: So I’m a big fan of authoritarianism.
Senior girl 1: We’re going to get to Cannon and no one is going to be there.
Senior girl 2: That’s the ideal scenario.
Stoned Frenchman, eating a sandwich: Oh my god I just had a revelation about Kant.
Pi Phi junior: Why does everyone say that violence is a turnoff?
Banker bro: I said Stefan? Stefan? Stefan? I can’t eat falafel in a suit, you know me.
BodyHype senior, to junior: I think you’re the kind of guy to go to war and come back with a Vietnamese wife.
Young journalist: I don’t know how I feel about a dick pic I don’t have an emotional connection with.
Professor: I just don’t understand sexual foot fetishes. I mean, my wife has beautiful feet, but there are other parts that are more interesting.
Girl, in earnest toward two Indian-America guys: You two look objectively similar. I’m not racist. I just find racist humor to be really funny.
Junior: Can you prolapse a vagina?
Yale-bound physicist: Male peeing is more virtuosic than female peeing. It takes more forms.
Professor Daniel Rees, pointing to a map from weedfinder.com in his lecture slides: As you can see, you can’t swing a dead cat in Denver without hitting a marijuana dispensary.
Senior, dancing to Drake: I was hype man for a recipe.
Portuguese department representative German Labrador Méndez: Spanish is really getting important in the States, especially in real life.
Senior male: The Sufjan album is so fucking good but it also makes me want to kill myself. If it had come out in 2011...I would not be here with you today.