Naive, presumptuous freshman: Postgrad, I want to work at McKinsey and then Google.
Nurse, peering into my throat: What is THAT?!?
*8-year-old throws snowball at group of passing students*
8-year-old: Harvard's better.
Tourist, picking up phone to photograph Holder tower: What is this? A church?
Tigertone: The Me Too movement needs to get on Adam Sandler. There's no way he's clean.
Boy, walking away: It was nice meeting you!
*No response; boy stops, comes back.*
Boy: Oh, it wasn't nice meeting me?
Girl, with forced smile: It was nice meeting you!
Posh senior Pi Phi: Is it lame to have a whole Insta story highlight reel of my dogs? Or is that just part of my branding...?
Licensed paramedic: A woman against urine is a woman for America.
Disheveled platinum blond man with paint on his Andover sweatshirt: You only have cucumber?
Emeritus professor: In general, Google is beyond my technical capacity.
Jew, with glasses: I feel lots of emotions. They're very healthy.
PDP ginger: Do you feel them all at the same time? That's schizophrenia.
Girl on phone, in tears: No, Mom, the problem is that he DOESN'T want sex!!!
UPenn bro, wistfully: Philly coke, like, sucks.
Khaki-clad boy: Did you know over half of the college Republicans at this school are Facebook
Freshman: I ate chicken in front of Peter Singer!
Friend: That’s awesome.
Terrace shaman: My moustache has a certain je ne sais quoi.
Sophomore girl to another sophomore girl, exasperated: Do you remember what it's like to make friends without having to, like, suffer?
Senior Theta, intensely: If I walk through a cloud of Juul, I DO break out in hives.