This week, the Nass learns about acupuncture, melts into absurdity, and takes a break to eat apples.
White dude: I just want to get married, I want a cigar bar, and I want five kids. Other than that, I don't give a shit.
Someone who likes the French Revolution a little too much: Why can’t we just turn all of the churches into temples of reason again?
White boy: I think my high school teacher died of a heart attack brought on by white guilt.
Other white boy: That’s how I’m gonna go out.
Football player 1: Yeah it’s gonna be in the 70s for the game tomorrow.
Football player 2: What?!
Football player 1: Just learn Fahrenheit dude
Male junior: I want to kamikaze-bomb the Woodrow Wilson School… in Minecraft.
Passionate Philosophy Student: Nowadays you can't go around saying you agree with Freud or everyone will think you wanna fuck your mom! I don't wanna fuck my mom—my dad is MUCH hotter!
Frosh wearing a Princeton shirt: I hate this school. Fuck Princeton.
Junior: Wow, look, an edgy freshman.
Senior French major: I think I'm turned on by math.
Senior Comp Lit major: I fell asleep reading a blog about mathematical sequences.
Well-dressed girlboss: He thought I was a lesbian because I wanted to play CS: GO with him.
Student: *minds her own business*
Spotted lanternfly: *lands on student's arm*
Student: DIE BASTARD *sprays with Windex*
Neuro Major: I smell at a different frequency.
Atheist: Well that sounds like bullshit. Back to the word of God!
Sad Junior after spilling Pedialyte on himself: *Kermit voice* Mistakes were made.