Indistinguishable female voice: This bathroom is worse than some of the bathrooms I’ve seen in India.
Senior math major: Apparently everyone had herpes in the ‘60s, you just dealt with it.
Jewish male, listening to Waka Flocka Flame: This song makes me want to throw up gang signs even though I know it would be wrong.
Junior Chi Phi: No, we don’t need a frat porn account. We need to buy a Settlers of Catan board.
Senior male socialite: Hey what would I have to do to snag an invite to pi phi I know I am a gay in a relationship but there must be some very desperate girls out there right?
PTL senior: Did you get a haircut?
Thesis-ing senior: No, I just don’t shower anymore.
Male prefrosh: You should really get Facebook.
Female prefrosh: I should...what’s your last name? I’ll contact you.
Male prefosh: [Gives last name] You should really get Facebook.
Female prefrosh: I should.
Woman, to another woman: Do you want to be a subject?
Bridge Year alum: His English is actually very good, in a Google Translate kind of way.
Social justice warrior: Unfortunately, there’s no critical theory plug-in for Microsoft Word.
Aesthete: I don’t write in Spanish. I write in the language of Borges.
Senior dude: I think there should be a definitive ranking of islands based on the strength of their internet connection.
Sophomore Pi Phi: I’m like...really scared of ISIS.
Sassy baker: The best way to address fear is to join the enemy.
Senior, perched on railing: Breathlessly aristocratic is what I go for every day.
Leftist Jew: I am way too busy to look at butts right now.
Urban studies minor: Oh my god Pinchoet is so hot...talk about a DILF.
Publisher: In a sense, it’s about the same thing most novels are about: white people, complaining.
Sickly poet, upon dropping can of Orangina on the ground: Oh no, my lunch!